The Best Of 2012.

“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're Doing Something. So that's my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody's ever made before. Don't freeze, don't stop, don't worry that it isn't good enough, or it isn't perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life. Whatever it is you're scared of doing, Do it.
Make your mistakes, next year and forever.”
― Neil Gaiman


So here we are in the final chapters of the year 2012.
For me, this year has been filled with good laughs, good times, good friends, good lessons, and better me.

I think this was the year that I actually grew up. I went into this year with a broken heart and most of the year was spent trying to get back to my old self.. and thank the lord I finally found it. 2012 was the year that I realized the ONLY people I need are four girls that I like to call GWAF. 2012 was the year that I watched a persons world fall apart and I was able to help them get through something that truly impacted my life in ways I could never describe. 2012 brought me a summer full of so much joy and smiles that I will never forget. 2012 was a roller-coaster and it was rocky and sometimes I thought I would never be happy again, but 2012 ultimately turned me into a person that I'm actually starting to like. So, that's a plus right?


The moments:

so, I got my heartbroken in 2012. I thought I was inlove, but looking back now I'm sure what I was feeling was far from love. But I mean, anytime you get rejected or treated badly by a person you really and sincerely care about of course you are going to be hurt. this year I guess I was hurt more often and maybe I took things too personally and maybe I stuck around for too long, but I can honestly say I don't regret a single thing. while moving on from this person, I became the happiest and freest I have been in my entire life. I have learned so much about myself and about love thanks to this person and I can honestly say now I am thankful for what I was put through and what happened between myself and this person. and I can honestly say that I will forever care about and never regret this person because of the lesson they taught me. so hey mystery boy. thank you.


This past summer, one of my closest friends older brother died in a plane crash. It was honestly one of the hardest things I have ever had to watch someone go through and it seriously put so much into perspective for me and it truly changed the way I look at life and my own brother. I try so hard to be nice to my siblings and to make sure they know how much I love them and how glad I am that I have them as siblings. It also made me realize that life is short. We only have so much time on this planet to make moments and memories because our time is limited. I am so proud of my friend Maddie for getting through it and for being so strong. I love you so much my Slug bug. <3


This summer man.. best summer of my entire life. I was the happiest and wholest I have ever been in those three short months than I have ever been! I met so many amazing people and I gained so many friends and I know I will never forget Summer of 2012. It was SO good to me. I think that's where I left my heart honestly.


The Party. Do you know what one I'm talking about? Well. Baylee's parents went out of town... and it was on a Wednesday afternoon where Codie and I took matters into our on hands. We pooled together our money and hired a Dj. We spread the word in a matter of 24 hours. We spent the entire next day cleaning and preparing for the first and only party of the Summer and we had to make sure everything was perfect. I mean come on, no parents.. summer vacation.. and a pool in the backyard. What could be better, right? Well. It was a hit. And it was by far one of my most treasured and favorite nights I have ever spent with my best friends. And we almost got away with it until someone called Baylee's parents.... uh oh... ;)


The camping trip. Oh... the camping trip. Sorry mom and dad if you are reading this because you don't exactly know about this yet. Well..... I told my parents I was sleeping at Codie's. When actually.... I went to Pine Valley with GWAF and we slept at Baylee's cabin. Coincidentally, some of our best guy friends Brooks, Garrett, Ryan, and Brody were down the street at Ryan's cabin. So we all hung out for a while and we were all starving. So Codie and Baylee decided that they would search the freezer for some meat that we could cook for like hamburgers or something.. and just our luck, the only meat that was at the cabin was labled, "Wild Bore." So, we made wild bore tacos. Safe to say I would rather starve than scarf down wild bore tacos. When we were all hating our lives and trying our hardest not to throw up from the smell, the boys decided to announce that they actually had pizza and a cooler full of mountain dew in their truck. It was NOT funny at the time, but looking back I know that was a moment I will never forget.



Junior Prom. My good friend Ryan asked me to be his date at his Junior Prom. He goes to Snow Canyon and I got to Desert Hills but we still all hang out a lot and I was so stoked! My other really good friends Brooks and Brody asked Baylee and Codie and other friends of mine Ashlee Miller, Mikayla Miller, Jon Hall, and Jon Arbizu were also in our group. It was so much fun! The day date was actually kind of a disaster considering we were mobbing with razors which eventually got rolled. Yeah, blood and tears were shed. I was covered in bruises by the end of the day but it was totally worth it. I loved every second of it! The dance was so much fun and I seriously think about it all the time because I loved it that much.


Pine Views Homecoming. Seriously, best dance ever. Everything was just so perfect! James Katoa was my date and he is seriously so funny and he's not too hard on the eyes either if you know what I mean. ;) He's a good friend of mine and I'm so thankful he decided to spend his last homecoming ever with me! Our group was crazy. For the day date we played mud football and that was a blast. The dance was CRAZY our whole group went so hard! My favorite moment was when "I Will Always Love You" came on and everyone sang it on the top of our lungs. Yeah, my voice was done for by the time the dance was over. But it was such a great way to start off the year and I had so much fun. I loved every single person in our group and I loved having James as a date. Yeah, best dance ever to say the least.


Josh Benno. Josh and I started hanging out this summer and I can honestly say becoming Josh's friend was one of the best decisions I have ever made. He really helped me this summer with getting my mind of my broken heart and he was always so nice and was always there for me when I needed someone to count on. I think of him as an older brother and I hope that I can forever keep him in my life because I need him more than he knows. I love you Joshy. :)


The Classy Night. That's what we called it, anyway. Me, Codie, Brock, and Kadan all got dressed up and decided we wanted to have a night full of classy things. I think we tried a little too hard, but it was a really fun and unforgettable night. We got apple cider and went to Olive Garden and we all dressed pretty and I don't think I've laughed like that in forever! We went on top of Dixie Rock and drank our cider and took stupid pictures and felt cooler than we really were. But I loved that night so much and I love those people even more.

GWAF. Anytime, any place. We always are laughing and having a good time. 2012 was the year that we invented GWAF and it just stuck. I spent most of my days with these girls and I wouldn't want to spend it with any other group of girls. They seriously are my family and I know there will never come a day where we aren't girls who are friends. <3

AFAA. These boys mean a lot to me, too. All of you. Devan, Brock, Kadan, Austin, and Jerry. You all know just what to say to make me cry of laughter and you make me feel so happy and so glad to know you all. I'm so thankful for the friendship we all have and I will always love and remember the good times we have had. I love you Afaa.

So here's to 2012. Here's to the hits and misses. The regrets and the memories. The heart aches and the ones who put our hearts back together. The new friends and the old. The smiles and the tears. The summer and the winter. The days that are over but never forgotten.

And here's to 2013. Another year to make better mistakes and to, as cliché as its, have another chance of getting it right.



Xoxoxo,
Bshawty.

For anyone who needs it.

So readers.. Here's the thing about my blog.

I like to write about things that I have personally experienced, such as divorce, broken hearts, and learning how to accept yourself. I hope that some of you who read my blog will learn from some of my mistakes and you can apply the lessons I've learned into your own life. I've mentioned this before... but my goal in this blog is to help people. I want you guys to know that you are not alone and I hope you all realize that everything I write about on here is things I have gone through or are dealing with. And some of the advice I give is not only to you guys, but also to myself. Because the truth is... I act as if I have it all together, but I really don't. We are all broken in different ways, some of us are more broken then others, and if I can possibly fix another person, maybe I can fix myself too.


So here's something else for you all that I want you to really think about.


If you are ever being treated poorly by a person, I want you to tell them to screw off and I want you to walk away and I want you to respect yourself enough to know when things go too far.

I want you all to know that you have worth. You have worth that you have to realize if you are ever going to be happy. You can't let another person be the judge on how much you are worth because no one has any right to be the one to tell you how much you are or are not worth something. You can't let someone make you feel like you will never be good enough. You can't let someone treat you like dirt because you think you deserve it or because you think you can keep it under control. People who prove you wrong once will just keep letting you down. People who hurt you once will hurt you again. People don't change. They just don't. I used to be one of those people who had tons of faith in the chance of a crappy person turning into a super sweet and caring one, but that's just not how it is. We are who we are and that's just the way it is. You have to stop being so trusting that maybe they didn't mean the stuff they put you through or maybe they didn't mean the things they said or did that made you feel like nothing.

And you know what, I am a complete hypocrite right now. Because I let people make me feel like I'm nothing. And after a while, you start to believe it. You start to believe that hey, maybe I am nothing. Maybe all I'm good for is one night flings. You start to believe it and you let someone take away all your self respect because you think in the end it will be worth it. You think maybe one day it will be worth the tears and the heartache and the wasted time. Maybe this feeling will be worth it one day.

But it's not. It is and never will be worth it. It's easy for someone to look in your eyes and tell you that you are beautiful and then ignore and humiliate you the next day. It's easy for someone to tell you everything you want to hear while they are doing the same thing to plenty of other people. It is so easy for them because they don't care. They don't and they never will care. You may feel beautiful and perfect for a minute, but a minute will never be worth the hurt and embarrassment you will feel after. It just won't be.. so get that thought right out of your head.

Once you feel like you are good for nothing and once you lose your self respect.. it takes forever to get out of that mode. So just keep your standards high. Don't let anyone come along and take that away from you. No one deserves to be used or to be treated like they are nothing. It is one of the most raw and hurtful feelings you could ever feel. I promise you that by having high and set standards it will keep you from so much pain and embarrassment. Sometimes we have to stop listening to our hearts and listen to our brain. Our brains know what's up while our dumb little hearts will beat for anyone who can make us smile.

Like I said before, learn from my mistakes. Know your self-worth and remember that you are worth more than you think. I need to remember that too.

That's all I really had to say tonight you guys. Sweet dreams and I hope this made someone out there realize something tonight.

Xoxoxo,
Always,
Bshawty.

Stuff Stuff Stuff

 

Wishing a happy new year to you all. Keep your vibes chill and your heads up readers! Bshawty is always here for anyone who needs it. 

xoxox.

Bshawty. 

Tis the season to be lonely...

FA LALALALA! LA LA LA LA!

Let's just sing it out, shall we?
Merry almost Christmas! The stockings are hung, lights are up, the tree is decorated, and there's a mistletoe around every corner...

And if you are one of those lucky human beings, you've got that special someone to enjoy the most wonderful time of the year.

....And if you are like me, sitting at your computer stuffing your face with Christmas M&M's and downing a doctor pepper while listening to JB's Christmas album wishing you had someone to kiss under the mistletoe, it could be the loneliest time of the year. You feel me?

I see tweets ALL the time from girls that are like....

"I want someone to take me to temple square. *crying emjoii*"

"#ForeverAlone. *heartbroken emjoii*"

"I just want a boyfriend OMG. *crying and heartbreak emojii*"


I'd be lying if I said I wasn't guilty of some of the wanting a boy toy tweets... (Ladies, we've all been there. Don't judge me.)


But I mean, hello. What's not to want about a relationship during the holidays? I mean come on, sippin hot chocolate and looking at Christmas lights just isn't as fun to do by yourself.. 


It's definitely easy to get discouraged this time of year. Just being single in general can make people question their worth and wonder whats wrong with them. But I got somethin' for you lonely hearts out there, mkay? Listen here:

JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE SINGLE, DOES NOT MEAN THAT THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU. 

I know it's hard. I know sometimes you just can't figure out why you are constantly ending up alone with a hurt heart. I know it hurts. HELLLO. I am the single queen. But guess what you guys? There is a reason WHY you are single. And here's why:

You refuse to settle for less than you deserve. And I think that is pretty dang amazing. 

There is plenty of people who would kill for your attention, ya know? Don't even deny it, you sexy animal. But really. There are people who would kill for you to give them the time of day, but you don't want to give your heart away to just anybody and that is COMPLETELY ACCEPTABLE. Don't settle for any less than you deserve. Our hearts are valuable and they should be given to someone who makes our insides turn into gush and our knees feel weak by a single look. We are deserve someone to give us butterflies and to make us feel like we mean something.. and one day, we will all find that person. 

And I know you're probably sick and tired of being alone. I know you probably feel like you are the only person not finding love and I know you're probably hating yourself for it. And you probably keep giving your heart away to people who make you feel good and who tell you what you want to hear. And you're left devastated when they turn out to be like all the rest. Trust me, I know. Being lonely sucks. And this is the time of year where EVERYBODY seems to have somebody to snuggle up to around a fire while you sit and watch everybody be happy except for you. But you don't need a relationship to be happy and to feel good about yourself. You don't have to keep giving TOOLS the time of day because you think they won't be like the rest. You don't have to let people take advantage of you because they boost your confidence by telling you you're pretty one second and take away your self-respect the next. You don't have to keep giving these undeserving idiots a chance they don't deserve at your heart. You're so much better than that.

But I'm sure you do it because you want to be loved. That's all any of us want anyway. Even the cool kids who won't admit it. But you have to remember that one day someone will come along and you will understand why it never worked out with anyone else. And you won't have to endure anymore lonely winter nights.


Remember to save your heart, readers. And remember that you are worth it all, even if it's hard to believe sometimes. 

I hope all of your Christmases are merry! TWO MORE DAYS, HOLLA.


 
Anyone would be lucky to have you. Don't you dare let yourself tell you different. You are beautiful and if somebody doesn't see that, who needs them?  Don't forget that you are important to someone. You're important to me, my beautiful readers. 



Xoxoxox, 

Bshawty.