Just, yeah.

I am a very complex shawty. I overthink more than the average person. I stress myself out over little things. I get anxiety so easily and I care way too much about what others think. All of my life I have tried really hard to be considered that cool popular pretty girl that everyone likes and that has all these boyfriends and friends and someone that people look up to. But as you grow up, you learn that life isn't going to be like Tv shows or movies. Not everyone is going to think I'm pretty or funny or cool. People are going to down right pick you apart and that's just the way it goes. People are going to judge you for being too much of this or  too less of that and no matter what you do or how hard you try, you'll never be able to change their minds. All you can really do in life is try to be understanding of the people that you do not understand. You smile at strangers, you reach out to someone in need, you be there for those who're struggling and you pity the ones who try and tear you down instead of letting them tear you down. Remember that no one is perfect. Everyone has a side of them that they don't show to others. We are all victims of life and we all have something from our past that could take us to our knees in a sob. But of course, we don't show others that side of us so nobody really knows who we really are. Nobody really knows because we feel as if no one would understand. We feel like we have to put up a front and be strong so we aren't looked upon as weak. So when you are judging a person for wearing too much makeup or for sleeping around or for acting super tough and macho remember that we are who we are for a reason. Things happen to us that is going to effect who we turn out to be. We eventually learn and grow from these things, but in the process of learning from it is where we happen to make our mistakes. And although some of our mistakes are worse than others, we make them for a reason. Everything that happens in this life is because of a reason. Nothing just happens for the hell of it, every trial we are put through is meant to shape us and direct us into becoming the person we are meant to be. Some of us find that person earlier than others, and some of us never find it. I guess what I'm trying to say here is don't be one of those people who never find it. If you are like me, and you let other peoples comments and opinions keep you up at night, learn how to let it go and move on from the past. That's the one thing I hate most about myself, the fact that I care so much. If you constantly worry about the opinions and judgments of others, you will never be happy. Hello. Take it from someone who's there in their life as we speak. We just have to try and forget about it. Don't be a prisoner in your past. Your past is gone and it doesn't define who you are as a person. You are not your past mistakes. You are not the mistakes of your parents. You are not what others think you are. You are not ugly. You are not fat. You are not unimportant and you are not worthless. I know, trust me I know, that it is so easy to believe that you are these things. It is so hard to be happy with the person who stares back at you in the mirror. It is so hard to hear people say or think mean things about you and not believe them or to forget them. You never forget them. You carry that shit with you for the rest of your life. But you shouldn't. You shouldn't let that weigh you down from becoming a person that YOU want to be. Each of us have a potential and each of us have worth. It's so hard to believe sometimes but it's true. There is purpose in each of our hearts and one day you are going to wake up and you are going to realize that you have found your purpose. Maybe it's tomorrow, or maybe it's when your fifty. We are not guaranteed a perfect road in our map of a life, readers. But we are guaranteed moments. Moments full of anything we want them to be. Moments full of laughter, full of smiles, full of love, full of lessons, full of screw ups, full of tears, full of bad day, full of good days, full of music, full of the lord, full of kisses, full of choices, and full of beauty. This is your life and you are who you are. Nobodies opinion or judgment can define that or take that away from you. So yes. I do care too much, I do try too hard, I do overthink myself to tears and I question my worth and question my beauty and my potential. But I'm human. And I'm trying so amazingly hard to prove to others that I am not who I used to be. I am not perfect and to you, I may be nothing, but I hope more than anything you will be able to see that I am trying my damn hardest to make myself happy. And I think I want to start pleasing myself before I please any of you.  High school is only a chapter, it's not the entire book. There is a world outside of the one you are used to and I hope each and every one of you set out to discover it. Because from what I've heard, the world can actually be a pretty beautiful place. This post is so random and so pointless is so all over the place but I just want each of you to know that you are cared about and that you matter. No matter what you've heard or what the voice inside of your head wants you to think, you have beauty inside yourself that no one else has. We all have to be reminded of it sometimes, you know? Especially me. But anyway. Be who you are and forget about what other people think. Do you and do it well. Or try to, anyways. That's all.


Xoxox,
Bshawty.

Because I support it.

Alright readers. I've got some important things to cover here.
And before I'm going to get into it, click this link right here because Macklemore can preach it a lot better than I'll be able to. But heck, I'm going to try.

Gay Marriage.

 

Whaaaaa? Did we hear you correctly Bshawty? Are you seriously going to talk about this right now? Yes. I am going to talk about this right now. And if that makes you feel uncomfortable or if this is not something you would like to read, feel free to click X and go on with your day. But regardless this is going down.

 

 

 

Some, or actually quite many, believe that homosexuality is wrong. Some people believe that it is a choice, or a result of bad parenting, or an illness. Many people in this world overlook the fact that actually, homosexuality is love. It may not be the same love that we feel, but its actually not all that different either. The world we live in is a crazy place full of crazy people. People who are closed minded, ignorant, judgmental, and to be quite frank, stupid. If we could only put ourselves in their shoes, I know for a fact that most of us wouldn't last a day. These people are constantly taunted and humiliated for simply being who they are. To be gay is not something that you can cure. It is not something that you can fall to your knees and pray to god that it is going to go away. If you know someone who is gay and you become so disgusted that they would choose to be something so repulsive to you, you definitely need to get over yourself. Who would choose a life like that? I certainly wouldn't. And I know you wouldn't either.

 

 

Let's role play for a moment. Pretend that you meet someone who is perfect for you. For the first time in your life, you feel complete and total happiness and you want to be with them forever. But picture someone coming up to you and saying, "Oh, sorry. I don't understand why you love this person so no. You can't marry them. Sucks to suck, see you later." How would you feel? I'm sorry, but there is no right or wrong way to be inlove. Love is LOVE and why should we punish two people for being happy? We shouldn't. And what is it to you? Why does it matter to you? They aren't hurting you. And if they are, maybe YOU are the one who needs help.

 

Some of you may argue that in the bible it straight up says that gay marriage is not what god wants from us and that it's wrong and hell is to pay. Well.. what I have to say to that is I don't think that is at all true. Because if God loves us as much as he says he does, he would never turn away one of his children for being who they are. We are all children of God and regardless, that is between god and his child who just so happens to like the same sex. Its not your businesses, nor is it mine.


This is freakin' AMERICA people. This entire country was built around equality and peace. But it's defiantly not how it is these days. Our Nation is full of racism, hate, and ignorance. You may think that gay marriage is wrong, but do you want to know what I think is wrong? Hating something so strongly just because you simply do not understand.


And if you hate someone because you do not understand them, that doesn't define who they are. It defines who you are.


Growing up in a town that is so centered around religion, I am constantly hearing that supporting this issue is not what my heavenly father wants me to do. But I was born a very open minded and loving person. I will not judge you because of the color of your skin or who you prefer to love. That ain't me. And if that's you, you are sinning as well. Because heavenly father also encourages us not to judge others. So I hope your on your knees repenting at night for being so ignorant and judgmental because I KNOW God isn't proud of you for being so amazingly cruel. Human rights are for every single human on this planet. Gay or straight. White or black. Asian or Mexican. Mormon or Catholic. Love is love and who's to judge someone based on whom they love? No one has the rights to do that. Gays have feelings too. And them getting married isn't hurting anyone. Having said that, love has no gender. So let's stop saying that marriage is only an advantage for a man and a women.
I completely support this topic because I believe in equality and I believe that everyone deserves a shot at happiness. I like boys and if you're a boy and you decide that you like boys too, well awesome. And if you're a girl who likes girls, that's great. Good for you. Congratulations for being who you are. Because I know most of these kids who are giving you a hard time are so damn terrified to be true to themselves they don't even know who they are in the first place. You know exactly who you are. You know exactly who you love. And you shouldn't let a close minded, jerk of a person take that away from you.

I'm going to end this blog post by saying that if my son or daughter came to me one day in the future and said, "Mom, I'm gay." I would look them straight in the eye and I would say, "And I love you just as much."



Xoxox.
Bshawty.

#SameLove

Lust.

So, one of my good friends Steph, sent me this in class today and texted, "read this." to go along with it. The link sent me here.  And well, by the end of the post, it had me in tears.


And you wanna know why? because it's completely true.



Look at us. We're teenagers. We are young and we are stupid and we don't have a clue.We meet. We text, talk on the phone, facetime, and whatever else all night long. We sneak out of windows and we climb in passenger seats. We let kisses go too far. We hold someones hand and believe it means more than it really does. We think we are falling in love, and we think we stand a chance.

And most of the time, one of us feels more magic than the other.

But then we have moments. We have moments where we realize the one thing that has been real all along: The lust.

Too often, we fall for what appears to be there.

Instead of falling for what they are, we fall for what we think they are. And it really isn't fair to either one of you. Expectations start to form and sooner or later we are crushed when we come to find out that the person isn't as perfect as we made them out to be. Hellllllo Lusters!

And it really isn't our faults, some of us don't know any better. And some of us have higher walls than others. But listen to me reader, don't fall for whats on the outside. Don't fall for someone because you make them out to be perfect in your head. And don't fall for someone who doesn't know and understand and overall, love, the most insignificant things about you.


We all have fears. We all have secrets. We all have favorite movies and songs and books and hobbies. We all have scars. And we all have a secret side of us that we don't let anyone see. And until you aren't afraid to open yourself up like a book to another person, and get the same in return, I promise you what you are feeling is not love.

If someone rejects your flaws and rejects the things about you that ultimately make you, you... Then they aren't even worth loving. They are more focused on what they want you to be than what you really are. They want the fake you that gives into their needs and who holds it all together and who acts like whatever they do to hurt you doesn't phase you at all. They want you to not care and they want you to come running whenever they call because, to be blunt, they don't love you. Sorry, but its the truth.

And how could you possibly love someone that hasn't invited you in? You can't invite yourself into another persons soul. If you are infatuated by the way a person looks at you, or the way they bite your lower lip when they kiss you, or the way they hold your hand when they drive, you aren't inlove with them. If you don't know someones passions, and fears, and secrets, and scars, and dreams... How could you possibly love them? You don't even know them.
You may like this person. You may even like them a lot. But you don't know anything about them that is worth loving. And if a person doesn't want to open up to you that way, and be trusting enough to allow yourself to open up as well, you are lusting up a storm my love.

And I promise you, if someone isn't making the effort to get the invite to your soul.. They don't love you. They are guilty of lusting too. And if they reject your efforts to let them in, and if they deny your flaws and expect you to be the person they have made up inside their head for you to be, trust me, you aren't going to want to stick around. Like the post said, they are "loving" you for all the wrong reasons.


Allow someone to love you for who you are. Allow someone to love you for the way you crinkle your nose when you apply your mascara, or the way you whistle without noticing. Or the way you are addicted to old rock bands and oversized t shirts. Or the way you look when you first wakeup. Or the way you laugh a little too loud. Or the way you curse without realizing it. These are the things that make you who you are, and if someone can't accept that.. Who needs them?


We don't even need love right now, you guys. It may seem like the most important thing in the world.. but its not. All I'm saying is know the difference between love and lust before you go giving away your entire heart. Lust is easy and it's exciting to be honest... Love is hard, and it's scary. Hell, it gives us far more to lose. Just chill out and let everything come as it is. We've got a lot of growing up to do.. So let's enjoy every moment of it.


Xoxox,
Bshawty.