So. Most of you know me by now as Bshawty. Most of you know me as a very loud girl, who drives a yellow car, hangs out with GWAF and writes on a blog. But lately, I feel like we need to do some catching up and for those of you who are new readers on this blog, maybe it's time for you to get to know and better yet, understand what kind of person I am.
So my names BraKell. I'm seventeen and I'll be a senior this year. Craaaazyyy right? Yeah it's pretty mind blowing that the time has come to conclude the high school chapter of my life. But that's growing up for you. I have five best friends who most of you know as GWAF. For the record, GWAF means Girls Who Are Friends. A lot of you may think of GWAF as stupid, or annoying, or simply just a mean name. But let me tell you, my best friends are amazing. They are some of the most genuine, caring, loving and most incredible girls I have ever known. I just want people to actually get to know the Girls who are friends before you judge or make assumptions because I promise you, you'd be surprised.
I started to blog 11 months ago out of boredom. I have always loved to write and spend most my time doing so, and I have always been "good" I guess you could say at giving advice. I am an extremely caring person, I mean, I care A LOT about what other people think. I am always trying way to hard to get people to like me, which explains why I sometimes come off as obnoxious because I'm constantly scared of people not thinking I'm funny enough or cute enough or cool enough. It really is a big problem. A lot of the times when I'm hanging out with people I feel the need to impress, I turn into a whole different person. I become very loud and I try to be as fun as possible which tends to make me act like a spazz. I have never been a very confident person, I am so aware of every flaw I have and they literally eat me alive everyday. It's not a good thing and it's something I need to work on because no one can really make me feel as crappy as I make myself feel, which is a big problem! Lately I have focused on bettering myself and my self esteem and it's been doing a lot better which I am very proud to say! But anyway, I always let my insecurities get the best of me. I have always been known as being that super crazy and fun girl, but there is SO much more to me than that. I wanted to prove to people the kind of person I really was, so that's where my blog came in. I basically forced myself to be as honest and vulnerable as possible simply because I knew this would be the biggest way of proving to others I'm not the loud, annoying, naïve BraKell I have lead you on to believe that I am. I am more then funny remarks and doing all the crazy things I do. I am more than that and I wanted people to know that I actually give a crap. I actually care about people and how they feel towards life and situations that I myself have gone through. So that's why I made this blog. So the people who don't understand me could have a chance. So the people who think I'm one way can be proved wrong. To mend the bridges I have burned and to apologize to those who I have offended or hurt in any way. I am not perfect, I am flawed in every way there is to be flawed and I will be the first to admit that I have screwed up a lot in my seventeen years but I'm learning. I'm learning and I am trying SO freaking hard to gain respect from the people around me. That's all I have ever wanted- is to be respected and well liked. So if I have ever hurt you or acted a certain way towards you, know that I am trying. And know that I am growing up more and more everyday and that I honestly could not be more sorry. I don't want to be the girl that I have been in the past. I want you all to know that I'm not just Bshawty, the loud girl who seems to be the life of the party. But I'm also a girl who desires acceptance from absolutely everyone, including herself.
Life is messy, readers. I cannot say that enough. Sometimes life doesn't just give us one lemon, sometimes life gives the entire tree and we are forced to you know.. make lemonade. We all go through our own kind of personal hell and we all come out of it in a different way, but I hope you all know that it is so okay to feel hurt by the past. But just know that there is always a tomorrow and your future is entirely in your hands. Life will work out the way it's supposed to, and sometimes it takes letting whatever it is find you instead of always looking for a way out. You can't let a single person dampen the spirit that is inside of you. We each have a light, and instead of letting life fade it, let it shine the brightest and don't let life make you a victim of it's change. If someone says something negative about you, don't let it effect you because they don't know you and someone who doesn't take the time to get to know you before making an assumption is not worth the stress or the self destruct. I can promise you that realizing this will change your life.
I really don't have as much figured out as it may seem, but I promise you that I will always try to understand before I ever judge. I believe that there is good in every single person on this earth and I will always try and see that. I will admit that sometimes I'm stubborn and I let my hurt feelings get the best of me, but I know there is a reason for every single thing that someone does. Going through the things I have gone through as taught me so much about pain and the things it causes people to do and how it effects the way they think and act sometimes and all I can really say is, I hope when you finally learn to let go, you let it better you rather then allowing it to constantly hold you back. Life is not about holding yourself back, it's about experience and moments and everything in between. Don't give up on finding your own personal purpose and when you find it, I hope its everything and anything you imagined it to be.
That's all for tonight readers. Xoxox,
Bshawty,
or simply, BraKell.
