Just, yeah.

I am a very complex shawty. I overthink more than the average person. I stress myself out over little things. I get anxiety so easily and I care way too much about what others think. All of my life I have tried really hard to be considered that cool popular pretty girl that everyone likes and that has all these boyfriends and friends and someone that people look up to. But as you grow up, you learn that life isn't going to be like Tv shows or movies. Not everyone is going to think I'm pretty or funny or cool. People are going to down right pick you apart and that's just the way it goes. People are going to judge you for being too much of this or  too less of that and no matter what you do or how hard you try, you'll never be able to change their minds. All you can really do in life is try to be understanding of the people that you do not understand. You smile at strangers, you reach out to someone in need, you be there for those who're struggling and you pity the ones who try and tear you down instead of letting them tear you down. Remember that no one is perfect. Everyone has a side of them that they don't show to others. We are all victims of life and we all have something from our past that could take us to our knees in a sob. But of course, we don't show others that side of us so nobody really knows who we really are. Nobody really knows because we feel as if no one would understand. We feel like we have to put up a front and be strong so we aren't looked upon as weak. So when you are judging a person for wearing too much makeup or for sleeping around or for acting super tough and macho remember that we are who we are for a reason. Things happen to us that is going to effect who we turn out to be. We eventually learn and grow from these things, but in the process of learning from it is where we happen to make our mistakes. And although some of our mistakes are worse than others, we make them for a reason. Everything that happens in this life is because of a reason. Nothing just happens for the hell of it, every trial we are put through is meant to shape us and direct us into becoming the person we are meant to be. Some of us find that person earlier than others, and some of us never find it. I guess what I'm trying to say here is don't be one of those people who never find it. If you are like me, and you let other peoples comments and opinions keep you up at night, learn how to let it go and move on from the past. That's the one thing I hate most about myself, the fact that I care so much. If you constantly worry about the opinions and judgments of others, you will never be happy. Hello. Take it from someone who's there in their life as we speak. We just have to try and forget about it. Don't be a prisoner in your past. Your past is gone and it doesn't define who you are as a person. You are not your past mistakes. You are not the mistakes of your parents. You are not what others think you are. You are not ugly. You are not fat. You are not unimportant and you are not worthless. I know, trust me I know, that it is so easy to believe that you are these things. It is so hard to be happy with the person who stares back at you in the mirror. It is so hard to hear people say or think mean things about you and not believe them or to forget them. You never forget them. You carry that shit with you for the rest of your life. But you shouldn't. You shouldn't let that weigh you down from becoming a person that YOU want to be. Each of us have a potential and each of us have worth. It's so hard to believe sometimes but it's true. There is purpose in each of our hearts and one day you are going to wake up and you are going to realize that you have found your purpose. Maybe it's tomorrow, or maybe it's when your fifty. We are not guaranteed a perfect road in our map of a life, readers. But we are guaranteed moments. Moments full of anything we want them to be. Moments full of laughter, full of smiles, full of love, full of lessons, full of screw ups, full of tears, full of bad day, full of good days, full of music, full of the lord, full of kisses, full of choices, and full of beauty. This is your life and you are who you are. Nobodies opinion or judgment can define that or take that away from you. So yes. I do care too much, I do try too hard, I do overthink myself to tears and I question my worth and question my beauty and my potential. But I'm human. And I'm trying so amazingly hard to prove to others that I am not who I used to be. I am not perfect and to you, I may be nothing, but I hope more than anything you will be able to see that I am trying my damn hardest to make myself happy. And I think I want to start pleasing myself before I please any of you.  High school is only a chapter, it's not the entire book. There is a world outside of the one you are used to and I hope each and every one of you set out to discover it. Because from what I've heard, the world can actually be a pretty beautiful place. This post is so random and so pointless is so all over the place but I just want each of you to know that you are cared about and that you matter. No matter what you've heard or what the voice inside of your head wants you to think, you have beauty inside yourself that no one else has. We all have to be reminded of it sometimes, you know? Especially me. But anyway. Be who you are and forget about what other people think. Do you and do it well. Or try to, anyways. That's all.


Xoxox,
Bshawty.