And you know what? It's the truth. You don't really know anybody. We all have a part of ourselves that we don't share with others. Not because we are ashamed or embarrassed or because we don't trust our friends or even our family.. but because that is a part of us that we like to block out. That's a part of us that is only allowed to come out when we are alone in our bedrooms at 2 AM when no one is around to see you in that kind of state. We allow ourselves to push away any parts of us that we hold on to for only our knowing because if you let out your demons for the world to see, can you ever really get them back?
But then you find someone who's demons match yours. You come across a person who's scars are identical to yours and you can't even believe how easy it is to spill anything or everything that happens to be on your mind. Demon or not. You open yourself up like a book because you know that they care and better yet, understand. You know that they know what you mean without even having to say a word. They get you.
Before you know it.. you need these people because without them, you are forced to believe that maybe the things that have haunted you from your past can win. When you are with this person, you begin to realize that you are not alone. And that it's okay to let go. It's okay to be brave and to move on. You don't have to be scared anymore.
What happened in our past is a part of who we are. Sometimes, looking back can be painful and some of us try to avoid certain areas at all costs. We put up our walls and we tell ourselves, "No more. I will not look back. Its over and I will never let anyone make me feel like this again. I will not repeat the mistakes of my parents. I will not let somebody walk all over me again. I will not be left ever again. I will be alone and I will be content with it because no one will ever understand and I will not let myself be hurt."
But by putting those walls to the sky, you are holding yourself back from being loved. And I am sure that you need it more than anybody.
It's okay to be scared. Hell, I'm scared. Everyone is scared. Scared of getting hurt, scared of looking stupid, scared of being abandoned, scared of commitment, scared of spiders.....
But really. Opening up is scary. Letting people in is even scarier. Because we all have a secret side of us that again, we only share with the four walls of our bedroom and late nights.
It's always going to be scary. But want to know what's even scarier? Loneliness. To be alone because you are scared to let a person inside is going to get you nowhere in life. We were not meant to go through life on our own. Sometimes it may seem easier that way, trust me, but there has to be a time where we decide we have built up enough walls and we have to start letting people see us for who we are.
We have to let a cute boy see us with no makeup on. We can't be afraid to cry infront of our friends. We have to realize that laughing until you snort is a great thing and nothing to be ashamed of. We have to walk out in the bikini with a smile on our face, even though you are terrified of what people are saying. We have to stand up for ourselves and other people. We have to smile at our reflection and learn how to love ourselves. We have to take these risks and we have to put it all out on the line if we ever want to be happy. Because trust me. Loneliness will never lead you to happiness.
So if you find a person, or people, who take you as you are and love you for it. Who you can sit with in the car and share your life story without them running the other direction at how messed up your story sometimes can be, who'll stay up with you all night because they know you are sad and need someone to talk to, who'll compliment the things you hate about yourself and who can always find a way to make you feel less sad.. do not shut them out. Do not make yourself impossible to love. Because you need it the most. We all do.
You really don't know a person until you climb into their skin and walk around in it. Maybe we really don't know anybody. And maybe we don't really need to. But I hope that if you are one of those people who are afraid to let a person in your heart because you feel as if you aren't deserving enough for a happier life, you are wrong. And no one deserves loneliness.
Xoxo.
Always.
Bshawty.
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