Dear Brooks Raymond

I remember the first time I ever saw you so well, seriously it's just like it was yesterday. It was at a snow canyon football game in the seventh grade. I was wearing a mini skirt and an etnies sweatshirt and I think you were wearing yellow. You and some of your friends were playing football on the grass and I was with my cousin and we thought you and Brody were so cute! So we started to talk to you and exchanged numbers... even though you had a girlfriend at the time. I remember the first thing you ever said was "you can text me but I have a girlfriend and she's like, really hot." and I didn't mind because instantly, you and I were automatic homies.

So that was seventh grade. I can remember talking a little bit here and there off and on until ninth grade when you started to talk to Baylee. Baylee and I were over at Hailey's on a night in December and we decided we were bored, so I said "Let's call Brooks and have him meet us!" so we did, and you walked half way to Hailey's so we wouldn't get lost trying to find your house. You met two crazy probably annoying girls in the middle of December in the middle of the night and even though it was FREEZING outside, you walked anyways without even complaining. Because that's the kind of boy you were Brooks. You were the definition of selfless and would do anything for anybody. That night we hung out at your house and watched motocross videos (surprise there) and talked and laughed. I remember feeling so privilidged to be hanging out with you, Brooks Johnson, the hottest guy around. I was so happy and felt so cool. That night Chance gave us a ride home because we were all like fourteen and didn't have licenses, so Chance took us home and I remember "Airplanes" by B.O.B and Hayley Williams came on the radio and you kept talking about how sick it was and how much you loved it. I remember Chance driving us home and how he ran a red light and I laughed so hard I thought I was going to pee my pants. Who would have known that that night I would embark on the most amazing and wonderful friendship of my life.

Well Brooks, it's been five years since then. Five years of the most precious friendship I was so blessed to have. Do you remember when we went to desert by Little Valley and lit off fireworks? Or when we went to Baylee's cabin and you guys didn't tell us about the pizza and mountain dew in the cooler, and watched as we attempted to cook mystery meat tacos for dinner? Do you remember Junior Prom when our day date turned in to a complete disaster from Hell? Do you remember when we sat in Baylee's basement and watched Friends With Benefits and you were so stoked on life because you finally got the kiss you had been waiting on forever? Do you remember when my parents got married and you came to my house before anyone else and we all sat in the basement wrestling and talking and just having so much fun even though we weren't doing anything at all? Do you remember when we played that shocker game in your basement, or when we went out to the indian reservation or the haunted hotel or all the times we went off roading or just all the talks and laughs and good times that we have shared all through out the many years of being best friends? Wherever you are right now, I hope you do remember these things.

It's been a tough day, Brooks. I never thought I would ever have to endure this kind of pain. It's the heaviest and most painful thing my heart has ever felt. Will it ever stop? Will I ever get back to normal ever again? I don't know, I really don't know.

Yesterday I saw you for the last time I will ever see you again in this life. You were at work, and the first time I saw you yesterday was by the tunnel. I remember thinking oh yay Brooks is here! I can't wait to talk to him. We were pretty busy yesterday so I didn't get a real chance to get to talk to you but I just brushed it off, figuring we would get off at the same time and I would be able to say whats up and see how you were doing. About an hour had past and I went inside from the gas pumps to get a drink, and you were inside talking to someone in splash. I smiled at you and you smiled back and I just kept walking. You seemed busy so I didn't want to bug you, so I just walked right past you and didn't say anything. Even later that day I thought it was a weird thing for me to do... Why would I do that? Why wouldn't I say hi to Brooks? Hmm, that's weird. Oh well, I will talk to him later I thought. Then you got off before I did and I watched you drive away and I thought to myself, geez that kid is cute. I followed your car with my eyes until you turned around the mountain and I couldn't see you anymore. Figuring, I will just see him later.

Then I woke up this morning and my world was changed forever. I realized I wouldn't get the second chance to say hello, to hug you, to touch you, to talk to you, to hear your laugh or see your beautiful, amazing smile. You were gone just like that.

There are SO many questions going through my head at this point. Why you? Why did YOU have to be the one to die? It doesn't make any sense to me and I know it never will. I know I will never be able to make sense of this or feel any comfort with your absence. You are just gone and I will never be given to take the opportunity of being around your incredible presence ever again in this life.

There are so many things I want to say to you. I want you to know that I love you. I have loved you and everything about you since day one. You are the most amazing, loving, goofy, hilarious, real, fun to be around and just all around solid man I have ever met. I am not just saying that because you are gone either, I have always thought this things and I always will think these things of you. You lived a life of pure adventure. Always doing crazy things and always having fun and being YOU. You never failed to amaze me with how true to yourself you always were. You knew the kind of person you were and you didn't change for anyone. I looked up to you Brooks. I still do.

When I say that I was blessed to know you, I mean it with every fiber of my being. We knew each other so well and these last couple months we've never been closer. You have helped me through so many bumps in the road and you know that. I appreciate you and everything you did so much... how was I ever going to repay you? Now I don't even have the chance to repay you. You never failed to make me smile. You never failed to make my day or to make me feel like I was cared about and important to you. I know that you love me just as much as I love you and that is the only bit of comfort I'm getting today. I know you loved your GWAF girls and I know you would have done anything for us. And anyone else for that matter.
Even when you hated someone, Brooks, you never said anything bad about them. You were the most understanding, caring, loving and most perfect guy I will ever know.
Thank you for being my best friend. Thank you for always listening to me and for always making me feel like I had someone to care about me. I remember just last week I called you crying and you just listened to me bawl for a good ten minutes when you finally said, "BraKell if you keep crying, I'm gonna cry so I'm gonna need you to cheer up!" and I think that was your way of telling me that when I was going to lose you, I shouldn't cry because that's not what you want. I am going to try so hard to be strong for you. Even though I have no idea how I am going to make it through this without you, I know that you will always be looking out for me in heaven like you did here on earth. I love you so much Brooks. You left behind of legacy of greatness and I will never be the same here without you.

Love, Bshawty.