Stay together for the kids.

It's hard to wake up
When the shades have been pulled shut
This house is haunted
It's so pathetic
It makes no sense at all
I'm ripe with things to say
The words rot and fall away
What stupid poem could fix this home
I'd read it every day

So here's your holiday
Hope you enjoy it this time
You gave it all away
It was mine
So when you're dead and gone
Will you remember this night
Twenty years now lost
It's not right

Their anger hurts my ears
Been running strong for seven years
Rather than fix the problems
They never solve them
It makes no sense at all
I see them everyday
We get along, so why can't they?
If this is what he wants
And this is what she wants
Then why is there so much pain?

So here's your holiday
Hope you enjoy it this time
You gave it all away
It was mine
So when you're dead and gone
Will you remember this night
Twenty years now lost
It's not right

So here's your holiday
Hope you enjoy it this time
You gave it all away
It was mine
So when you're dead and gone
Will you remember this night
Twenty years now lost
It's not right
It's not right
It's not right
It's not right



Stay together for the kids- Blink 182.

This song gets me every single time. I honestly think that Blink 182 read my mind while writing this song.

In case you couldn't tell, this song is about divorce.
And if anyone can tell you about divorce, it's B to the shawty.

This is kind of difficult for me to write but I decided to write it anyway just because I know most of us have gone through this or are going through it, and if you are one of the very lucky ones who haven't, I can't even begin to tell you how jealous I am.


When I was born, my parents weren't married. They were young and weren't exactly ready to be parents. Shortly after, my brother was born. I can't really remember a lot about that because I was so little, but I always wondered why my cousins parents lived together and mine did not.

When I turned six years old, my parents finally got married. I remember turning to my mom at the wedding and saying, "This is the best day of my life." and I meant every word. And to this day, I don't have any other day that could ever compare to the day I watched my broken family come together. At last, I felt like I had a family. The one thing I wanted more than anything was right in front of me and I was the happiest little six year old in the whole world. 

The beginning was amazing. We bought a house all together and my mom got pregnant with my sister. We had a puppy and a big backyard and we played card games and went to California and watched movies as a family and had fireworks on the fourth of July. All as a family.

Little did I know, my fairytale was about to fall apart. Things were not well in my house. My parents fought constantly. I used to grab pillows and cover my ears and cry while they yelled at each other. I would always sing "Families Can Be Together Forever" extra loud so they would hear and they would remember what I cherished so much: My family. I truly believed that that song would heal everything and now it's really hard to listen to without crying, because in the end it didn't fix anything at all.

When I turned eight, my dad finally left, and I changed. I remember at recess I would go in the bathroom and cry and cry and cry until my eyes were so swollen I could hardly see out of them. I was only eight years old I didn't comprehend anything that was going on. It didn't make any sense to me. I was so sad and I hated everything. I was so mad at my dad for leaving I could hardly stand to be around him. And I was so mad at my mom for letting him go I just stayed in my room and avoided her at all cost. It was a nightmare. The house was just as he left it and I didn't understand how I had just had it all, and now I had nothing.


You know what, sometimes I'm still that eight year old little girl. I never got over my parents divorce. I think my life would be so much easier if I had them both to come home to. I think I would be so much happier and trusting and content and whole, if I had them both to kiss me goodnight. But I don't have that. I still don't feel like I have a real family and it sucks. It really, and honestly sucks.


Everything about it sucks. Going back and fourth is the worst. Being caught in the middle is the worst. Hearing them still fight is the worst. Knowing things I shouldn't is the worst. Splitting the Holidays is the worst. Choosing sides is the worst. It is all the worst. I don't even know how else to explain it but hard and annoying and sad. It's all so damn sad.
I personally don't think divorce solves anything. I know for a fact that when I say "I do" it will be the only time I will ever say it. I will never give up my marriage, especially if I have kids. I saw first hand how much it tears people apart. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through and to this day, I am still dealing with it and trying to accept the fact that my family, as it was in the beginning, is broken. Everything feels so broken sometimes.

But out of all the things I have learned for going through this, is that eventually, you have to let go. You can't hold on the family pictures or the cards from your dad to your mom or the memories or anything else. You can't let it hold you back and you can't be resentful towards something that is gone. You have to let go.

And so do I. I have to learn how to let go, too.


I have wonderful step parents. My step dad is one of the greatest people in the world, he does so much for my mom and my family I can't even believe how much he has given up just to provide and be there for us. My step mom is great too. Actually, she isn't exactly my step mom yet but I'm really excited for her to be. When we are all together, I feel like a family and its one of the greatest feelings ever. I love her to death, I really and honestly do.

My parents, I can't tell you how bad I want for them just to be happy. If I can have one thing out of this life: It would be just for that. To see them honestly and truly happy. That is all I want and the day that they are happy, is the day that I will be happy.

My brother. He is my hero. We have been through so much together and he is so strong and amazing. He is the sweetest and humblest kid out there. I can't even begin to tell you how proud he makes me. I love him with all of my heart and he really is my best friend in the whole world. Thank you for always sticking by my side and being there for me, Mason. I love you to death.

Divorce is just an all around depressing thing. But if I can tell you anything, it would to be to let go. Like I said before. It never gets easier and it will always be stressful and obviously you are always going to wish your parents were together, you can't let yourself be trapped in the land of what used to be. It is a very empty and hallow place, my friend. Take it from someone who is trying her very best to move out. 

This is so personal, y'all probably think I'm depressed and just throwing a huge pity party for myself hahah. But I really hope that if you understand what I'm saying, that you understand the fact that you aren't your parents. You don't have to make their same mistakes and you need to take this experience and learn from it. Learn from the trails and learn from the hardships that come into you life because whether you like it or not, sh*t happens that we all have to accept. Accept it, deal with it, move on, and be happy. That's all anyone wants right? is to be happy? Right. And you want to know something, readers? We are all in this together (as high school musical as that sounds..) but it's true. I want nothing more than to help people see the brighter side of things. It's almost like if I can fix someone else, maybe I can fix myself as well. And that's what Bshawty needs, some fixing. 

I'm really excited for my dad to get married. So if you are stalking my blog dad, don't think I'm not. You are my best friend and I love you so much. 

And to my beautiful mother who doesn't understand just how beautiful she really is, you are just as important to me. And one day everything will fall into place. 


Have a goodnight readers. Tomorrow's Friday, cheers!

xoxox, 
Bshawty.