Unbreakable.

This world is full of people trying to bring us down. There will always be those people who can spot out your flaws from a mile away. Not everyone is going to see you the way they should, and everyone has a different view as what they see as beautiful. 

Sometimes people try and convince us that we are nothing. "You're ugly." "You're fat." "No one will ever like you." "You're so stupid." "Everyone hates you.", they will try and tell us. They will say these things and then, we will believe them. Some of us are so convinced that we are nothing but a giant flaw in the eyes of others, that their minds will be doomed to think this way forever. I for one, have struggled with this my entire life. I'll be the first to admit that I am far from perfect. People have drilled these thoughts in my mind and sometimes it's so hard and it's too much and all I feel like doing is crashing and burning, breaking into thousands of pieces and saying, "You've won." 

Yesterday was one of those days. I felt broken, I felt defeated, and I felt like a whole lot of nothing. I even found myself nodding my head and thinking to myself, maybe they are right. Maybe I am good for nothing. Maybe I am all of those terrible things. And I know some of you girls feel this way to. I know that some of you look in the mirror and are heartbroken at what is looking back at you. Maybe you aren't a size zero or maybe you have insecurities of not thinking you are pretty or smart or wonderful. Maybe you don't see yourself the way others see you, and maybe you've given up too.

Yes, yesterday was one of those days for me. I gave up, I was done and I was broken. I felt like I had finally reached my breaking point and all of this self-doubt that has been building up all of these years would get the best of me once again. I finally decided that the world had won and I was over trying to be good enough for a society who will see me exactly the way I have always seen myself. 

....But then, I decided screw that.

I decided that this is MY life. And I'm not going to break that easily. I'm not going to let this world tell me what I am and what I'm not. I'm not going to break and I'm not going to let them win. I am unbreakable and so are you.

You may not be a supermodel. You may not be a genius. You may be lonely, and you may be sad. But you. are. important.

There is a light inside of us all. Including you. The girl who is reading this with tears in her eyes shaking her head and doubting everything I'm saying and herself. There is a light in you. There is a reason why you have not given up yet. There is something in your heart  that has so much purpose, so much potential, so much beauty, that you don't even realize is there. Trust me, I may not be all the way there and I may be unable to tell you that I believe it sometimes either, but it's so true. Every single person on this earth is so precious and so wonderful. Everyone. There is something absolutely incredible about everyone and WHO THE HELL CARES IF SOMEONE CANNOT SEE IT. WHO CARES. BECAUSE I SEE IT. AND I CAN PROMISE YOU THAT THERE ARE OTHERS WHO SEE IT TOO. Even though the person in the mirror and the voice inside your head is disagreeing with me, I need you to promise me that you will try. I need you to promise me that you will be become unbreakable. Because if you were to break, if you were to give up on that beautiful and precious heart of yours, your light will go out. And the world cannot afford to lose your light. Your light is radiant and beaming and you are beautiful. Maybe you aren't as beautiful in something as temporary as looks, but you are beautiful deep down to your soul. And that is what truly matters. 

Don't convince others to love you. You don't even have the time to convince others if you are yet to convince yourself. The only thing that matters in the end is you. The way you feel about yourself will cancel out what others think. If you are sure of who you are and what you are made of, every rude remark, every insult, every belittling comment will bounce right off. Do not break. Do not allow yourself to be anything less then unbreakable because once you become unbreakable, you will be invincible. 

You are beautiful. You matter. You are wonderful and you are important and you are unbreakable. Don't allow the world to beat the magic out of you. They were all wrong. 

Our time is now.

Hello readers, It's Bshawty who sucks at blogging because it's been for freaking ever. I apologize. (Does anyone even care? Probs not but anyways...) My senior year has just begun and I am LOVING every second of it. I really really really do not want this year to ever end. Last night was my last homecoming and it was about as bitter sweet as it gets. I went with my good friend Jacob and he was such a good time. I loved every second of it! My high school is also doing incredible in football this year and I am actually enjoying being apart of the thunder family so, so much. I truly am living up every second of this year and not taking a single moment for granted because I know how fast it's going to fly by. With that being said, My goal for this year is to take chances. Because YOLO is as true as true gets and we only get one shot at high school.

Risks. They come around sometimes and we get a choice whether to take them or to watch them go by. And you wanna know what I have to say to that? Take them. Take them and love it because 99.9% of the time they are worth taking. Unless it's like, super dangerous... and life threatening.. then maybe you can pass it up.. .

But let me tell you something, risk taking can be a beautiful, beautiful thing. You never know what could happen and it could potentially be a wonderful life changing experience. Being a senior, I can sure say that I regret not always being involved in my high school. Sometimes you get the, "I'm too cool" attitude and you miss out. But missing out is something you WILL regret. You will never regret going to a football game and having an awesome seat in the student section, watching your team get a big win. You will never regret asking a cute girl to homecoming and going crazy hard at the dance with all your friends. You will never regret spending time with your class, bonding and making memories before it's time to say goodbye. These are the things that make life worth it. Right now is the youngest we will ever be and it's time to EMBRACE IT. EMBRACE BEING SEVENTEEN. EMBRACE BEING YOUNG AND EMBRACE TAKING CHANCES BECAUSE THEY. ARE. WORTH. IT.

You only get one shot at this, you guys. High school is a numbered amount of days. There will only be so many football games. So many bonfires. So many school dances and so many memories until it's time to pack 'em all up and head off to a life that is unlike the one we're living now. So don't be too cool. Don't miss out on the things that you were meant to experience. High school years truly are the best years and you really should look into embracing them and enjoying them because if you don't, that'll be one thing you will live to regret.

SO. If you want to kiss a cute boy, you tell that boy and you go and you kiss him. If you want to ask your crush to a dance but can't find the courage, you swallow that fear and you ask them. (PS, I was going to ask my crush of FIVE years to sadies last year and I chickened out... and you have no idea how much I regret it. PSS, but I did ask Jordan and he was tons of fun so don't get me wrong Jerb if you're reading this I love you) If you want to talk to someone and make friends with them, follow them on twitter and ask them to go to lunch! Talk to people you don't know. Smile at people who look down in the hallway. If you aren't happy with something, be brave enough to make that change. Live a life that you are proud of and do the things that you want to do. Now is the time to do them. NOW is the time, and this is the sign you were looking for. Just do it and I PROMISE you will not regret it.

I don't care what anyone says, High school is a blast. The thought of leaving is scary and I am unprepared... but you know what, I am going to enjoy this year and make as many memories with as many people as I can because my days are limited and I don't want to leave this place with any regrets. So let's start a revolution: Take the risk and get involved and realize that we are young and the world is ours, and our time is now.


Happy fall everyone!
xoxo,
B.

The auTHORity.

                                              
                                                 Powederpuff game 2013, seniors.

Homecoming game.

Homecoming day date.

Homecoming. ♥

live it and learn it you guys.

 

I thought you should know.

So. Most of you know me by now as Bshawty. Most of you know me as a very loud girl, who drives a yellow car, hangs out with GWAF and writes on a blog. But lately, I feel like we need to do some catching up and for those of you who are new readers on this blog, maybe it's time for you to get to know and better yet, understand what kind of person I am.

So my names BraKell. I'm seventeen and I'll be a senior this year. Craaaazyyy right? Yeah it's pretty mind blowing that the time has come to conclude the high school chapter of my life. But that's growing up for you. I have five best friends who most of you know as GWAF. For the record, GWAF means Girls Who Are Friends. A lot of you may think of GWAF as stupid, or annoying, or simply just a mean name. But let me tell you, my best friends are amazing. They are some of the most genuine, caring, loving and most incredible girls I have ever known. I just want people to actually get to know the Girls who are friends before you judge or make assumptions because I promise you, you'd be surprised.

I started to blog 11 months ago out of boredom. I have always loved to write and spend most my time doing so, and I have always been "good" I guess you could say at giving advice. I am an extremely caring person, I mean, I care A LOT about what other people think. I am always trying way to hard to get people to like me, which explains why I sometimes come off as obnoxious because I'm constantly scared of people not thinking I'm funny enough or cute enough or cool enough. It really is a big problem. A lot of the times when I'm hanging out with people I feel the need to impress, I turn into a whole different person. I become very loud and I try to be as fun as possible which tends to make me act like a spazz. I have never been a very confident person, I am so aware of every flaw I have and they literally eat me alive everyday. It's not a good thing and it's something I need to work on because no one can really make me feel as crappy as I make myself feel, which is a big problem! Lately I have focused on bettering myself and my self esteem and it's been doing a lot better which I am very proud to say! But anyway, I always let my insecurities get the best of me. I have always been known as being that super crazy and fun girl, but there is SO much more to me than that. I wanted to prove to people the kind of person I really was, so that's where my blog came in. I basically forced myself to be as honest and vulnerable as possible simply because I knew this would be the biggest way of proving to others I'm not the loud, annoying, naïve BraKell I have lead you on to believe that I am. I am more then funny remarks and doing all the crazy things I do. I am more than that and I wanted people to know that I actually give a crap. I actually care about people and how they feel towards life and situations that I myself have gone through. So that's why I made this blog. So the people who don't understand me could have a chance. So the people who think I'm one way can be proved wrong. To mend the bridges I have burned and to apologize to those who I have offended or hurt in any way. I am not perfect, I am flawed in every way there is to be flawed and I will be the first to admit that I have screwed up a lot in my seventeen years but I'm learning. I'm learning and I am trying SO freaking hard to gain respect from the people around me. That's all I have ever wanted- is to be respected and well liked. So if I have ever hurt you or acted a certain way towards you, know that I am trying. And know that I am growing up more and more everyday and that I honestly could not be more sorry. I don't want to be the girl that I have been in the past. I want you all to know that I'm not just Bshawty, the loud girl who seems to be the life of the party. But I'm also a girl who desires acceptance from absolutely everyone, including herself.

Life is messy, readers. I cannot say that enough. Sometimes life doesn't just give us one lemon, sometimes life gives the entire tree and we are forced to you know.. make lemonade. We all go through our own kind of personal hell and we all come out of it in a different way, but I hope you all know that it is so okay to feel hurt by the past. But just know that there is always a tomorrow and your future is entirely in your hands. Life will work out the way it's supposed to, and sometimes it takes letting whatever it is find you instead of always looking for a way out. You can't let a single person dampen the spirit that is inside of you. We each have a light, and instead of letting life fade it, let it shine the brightest and don't let life make you a victim of it's change. If someone says something negative about you, don't let it effect you because they don't know you and someone who doesn't take the time to get to know you before making an assumption is not worth the stress or the self destruct. I can promise you that realizing this will change your life.

I really don't have as much figured out as it may seem, but I promise you that I will always try to understand before I ever judge. I believe that there is good in every single person on this earth and I will always try and see that. I will admit that sometimes I'm stubborn and I let my hurt feelings get the best of me, but I know there is a reason for every single thing that someone does. Going through the things I have gone through as taught me so much about pain and the things it causes people to do and how it effects the way they think and act sometimes and all I can really say is, I hope when you finally learn to let go, you let it better you rather then allowing it to constantly hold you back. Life is not about holding yourself back, it's about experience and moments and everything in between. Don't give up on finding your own personal purpose and when you find it, I hope its everything and anything you imagined it to be.


That's all for tonight readers. Xoxox,

Bshawty,
or simply, BraKell.

Good Luck & Goodbye.

Well. Here we are. The end of this school year has finally arrived. And all I can say, is WOW. This year went by in a blink. I'm still pretty shocked that it's finally summer and that Junior year of high school is over. It seems like just yesterday it was second quarter and I posted my "Growing Up" post on this blog, and I was so stressed and sad about the thought of the seniors leaving and it was only second quarter! How ridiculous was I? 
And now, it's actually here. Tomorrow is the day that we say goodbye to the people we have known forever. They will walk across the stage, get their diploma, and head off on missions or to college or whatever else life has in store for them. And we probably won't even see each other again. Welp, see ya. 

I am so excited for summer. I really am. But the thought of the people I have known, been friends with, liked, dated, kissed, loved and just known for pretty much forever is leaving and moving on to a new chapter in their lives hurts. It's hard to say goodbye to the memories and the moments and everything you've ever known. I don't want to say goodbye. I don't want to watch the kids I've known my whole life grow up and leave and peace the freak out. It's hard, and it's scary, and it's just making me realize that soon enough it's going to be my turn and that I am far from ready to grow up. 

High school, man. High school is... how to even describe it. 


High school is full of mistakes. It's full of screwing up but saying, "screw it." It's full of sleepless nights and sleeping in 'til noon. It's full of falling inlove and getting our hearts broken. Its full of kissing for fun and sneaking out. It's full of taking risks and being careless. It's full of laughing with our best friends and crying over pity stuff we'll end up laughing about later. It's full of learning and discovering new things. It's full of experience and becoming independent. Finding out who are true friends are and who never was. It's about being there for eachother because believe it or not, we're all going through the same things and non of us are alone, and we're all in this together. (High school musical knows waaaassssssup.)


We are all a bunch of kids... but we really aren't. We can try to cling to our adolescents and all the glory it brings us as much as we'd like.. but eventually we're going to wake up one day and we're going to be adults. We won't be kids anymore. We can't be seventeen forever and it sucks and it's hard to accept. As much as we say, "Oh gosh, I can't wait to graduate! Screw High School! I can't wait to get out of this town and be on my own." None of us really mean it. That stuff is going to fun and such an adventure, but the thought that everything we've ever known is coming to an end... nothing is fun about that. It sucks. I have one more football season. One more homecoming. One more year to have fun and live it up before I have to say goodbye to it all. Whether we want to admit it or not, St. George is one of the greatest places on earth. We're all crazy. We meet at swig everyday and talk about whatever there is to talk about and go to walmart to play "You Won't" and make up acronym groups to call ourselves and we hate eachother and want to slap eachother 80% of the time... but in the end, I wouldn't have wanted to grow up anywhere else with anyone else but the kids of good ol' St. G. I'm going to miss the class of 2013 so much, and I am so thankful I got to grow up with them. There are some of you that the thought of you leaving breaks my heart, but I know that's life and at 4:30 tomorrow it's going to be time to say goodbye.

Like I've said before, everything we have now is limited. We only have so many football games and so many bonfires or prom's or simple sunday drives with our friends. One day we have to let it all go and leave it as a memory. It's so crazy to think that the weekends we live for the and the people we love more than anything will one day be all just a memory, and eventually we'll have our own kids going to football games and getting their heartbroken and going through the crazy journey that is high school. But I guess that's life and we can't be seventeen forever. We HAVE to make the best of these days because they truly are the greatest years of our lives and we're going to miss them. We don't get a second chance and we have to YOLO it up and live our lives to the fullest and take all the chances that we can and do everything and anything we want to because now is the time to do it. This is our time to be stupid and reckless and crazy. We can't take a single day for granted because when we do, we're going to blink and it's going to be all over.

These days are going by so fast, and this growing up thing isn't easy. But it's time. So here's to letting go of what we're used to and welcoming something that we're not. I am so happy for you, graduates of 2013. Thank you so much for the many memories that we have made over the years. And whereever life takes you, I hope you'll never forget about high school and all the crazy kids of st george utah. I hope you never forget what each mistake taught you. I hope you go far and I hope you have a life you've dreamed of. I hope you forgive yourself for growing up and I hope that life treats you well. You deserve it. 

Good luck, and goodbye. 

xoxo.
Bshawty. 

For a reason.

People come into our lives for many, many reasons. They either change us by the way they inspire us, the way they love us, or by the way they hurt us. Some people are ours to keep, while others pass through because their purpose in our story is to teach how to let go. They leave us memories, maybe some bruises on our heart, and reasons to remember who they were and what they meant to us. What we don't realize, is that nobody comes in our life without a reason. Even though we would like to hold on to the ones we feel do the most for us, we cannot force fate. People do not leave us to be cruel. People leave us because that is what they were meant to do. Some people do not, as much as we long and want them to be, belong in our lives. They are not where we are supposed to be, and we are not where they are supposed to be. Everyone wants to find the missing piece that will make us whole and when you find that piece, you will know. You cannot hate someone for leaving you because your pieces do not match, regardless of how hard the two of you try. In the end, you have to acknowledge the favor they are doing you. They leave your life to find their own, so that you can do the same. And if this life happens to bring you back together somewhere in the future, you will know where your heart has been all along; Right in front of you.

The point is, there isn't one. People are people and you have to forgive them for not being a permanent part in your story. We can't tie another persons soul to our own, and we shouldn't have to. Appreciate the lessons they have taught you and the memories they have left you with and when you think about them, do it with all the goodness in your heart and smile. The best is yet to come, and by them leaving, you are one step closer to finding it.



Love you readers.


xoxo.
Bshawty.

;

I heard once, "You don't really know a person until you go inside their skin and walk around in it." (actually, i read it. To Kill A Mockingbird.) 

And you know what? It's the truth. You don't really know anybody. We all have a part of ourselves that we don't share with others. Not because we are ashamed or embarrassed or because we don't trust our friends or even our family.. but because that is a part of us that we like to block out. That's a part of us that is only allowed to come out when we are alone in our bedrooms at 2 AM when no one is around to see you in that kind of state. We allow ourselves to push away any parts of us that we hold on to for only our knowing because if you let out your demons for the world to see, can you ever really get them back? 

But then you find someone who's demons match yours. You come across a person who's scars are identical to yours and you can't even believe how easy it is to spill anything or everything that happens to be on your mind. Demon or not. You open yourself up like a book because you know that they care and better yet, understand. You know that they know what you mean without even having to say a word. They get you. 

Before you know it.. you need these people because without them, you are forced to believe that maybe the things that have haunted you from your past can win. When you are with this person, you begin to realize that you are not alone. And that it's okay to let go. It's okay to be brave and to move on.  You don't have to be scared anymore.

What happened in our past is a part of who we are. Sometimes, looking back can be painful and some of us try to avoid certain areas at all costs. We put up our walls and we tell ourselves, "No more. I will not look back. Its over and I will never let anyone make me feel like this again. I will not repeat the mistakes of my parents. I will not let somebody walk all over me again. I will not be left ever again. I will be alone and I will be content with it because no one will ever understand and I will not let myself be hurt."

But by putting those walls to the sky, you are holding yourself back from being loved. And I am sure that you need it more than anybody. 

It's okay to be scared. Hell, I'm scared. Everyone is scared. Scared of getting hurt, scared of looking stupid, scared of being abandoned, scared of commitment, scared of spiders..... 

But really. Opening up is scary. Letting people in is even scarier. Because we all have a secret side of us that again, we only share with the four walls of our bedroom and late nights. 

It's always going to be scary. But want to know what's even scarier? Loneliness. To be alone because you are scared to let a person inside is going to get you nowhere in life. We were not meant to go through life on our own. Sometimes it may seem easier that way, trust me, but there has to be a time where we decide we have built up enough walls and we have to start letting people see us for who we are. 

We have to let a cute boy see us with no makeup on. We can't be afraid to cry infront of our friends. We have to realize that laughing until you snort is a great thing and nothing to be ashamed of. We have to walk out in the bikini with a smile on our face, even though you are terrified of what people are saying. We have to stand up for ourselves and other people. We have to smile at our reflection and learn how to love ourselves. We have to take these risks and we have to put it all out on the line if we ever want to be happy. Because trust me. Loneliness will never lead you to happiness. 

So if you find a person, or people, who take you as you are and love you for it. Who you can sit with in the car and share your life story without them running the other direction at how messed up your story sometimes can be, who'll stay up with you all night because they know you are sad and need someone to talk to, who'll compliment the things you hate about yourself and who can always find a way to make you feel less sad.. do not shut them out. Do not make yourself impossible to love. Because you need it the most. We all do. 

You really don't know a person until you climb into their skin and walk around in it. Maybe we really don't know anybody. And maybe we don't really need to. But I hope that if you are one of those people who are afraid to let a person in your heart because you feel as if you aren't deserving enough for a happier life, you are wrong. And no one deserves loneliness. 

Xoxo.

Always.

Bshawty. 

Just a thought from the MIA Bshawty.

Well. I'm back. I know it's been for freaking ever since I actually blogged about something other then a GWAF's birthday. And I've gotten so many messages on tumblr asking when I would blog next and a ton of you left some suggestions which I very much appreciate! I have had the biggest writers block. I always think to myself while sitting in class or in the car about ideas I could write about on here but the second I sit down at my laptop I have no motivation. It's bad! I know! And I'm sorry. But today, I was laying in bed because HULLLLO it's sunday and what else is there to do but lay in bed and watch The Bad Girls Club, right?....

Anyway. I was laying in bed and I don't even know why but I got the most random thoughts running through my mind. Mostly about boys and relationships and all that jazz, and something kind of hit me and got me seriously deep thinking. So here it is.

You know when like someone, and you have all these things about them that you just love? And you start to memorize them and make them yours. Like the way they say your name. That's yours. And the way they move your hair out of your face to get a better look at you. That's yours, too.
But when you lose this person.. And they find someone else, these things become theirs.
The way that they rolled their eyes at you whenever you would say something stupid, that's theirs now. The way they put their hand on your knee while they drove, and tap their thumb along to the stupid music they always listen to, that's theirs now too. They way they bit your lower lip when they kissed you or the way they always remembered what you like on your sandwiches and all the movies you liked and all your favorite colors, that stuff doesn't belong to you anymore. That stuff belongs to someone else. It's no longer yours to love. It's theirs. It's all theirs. 

I just think it's kind of strange how you know all these things about a person, all the littlest things that make them so special and cute and perfect to you.. and now instead of loving and adoring those things, you have to let go and forget them. No more, they belong to her now. Not you, he's gone and so are his stupid stories and his goofy smile and his funny laugh. They are someone else's to fall inlove with and to hold on to because you couldn't. And you have to push them out of your mind and heart and give them away. I just think it's so strange.

So if you are in a relationship, you need to appreciate the little things about the person your with and realize that they may not be yours forever. One day you could lose all the things that make loving them so easy and so worth while. Because if you don't make them yours, and if you don't allow someone else to make your little things theirs, you will miss out on them and someone else will swoop in and take them right from under you. And we wouldn't want that, now would we?

That's just my thought for the night my dear readers. I hope all is well with you all and you'll be hearing from me again soon, count on it.

Xoxo,
Bshawty.