Dear Brooks Raymond

I remember the first time I ever saw you so well, seriously it's just like it was yesterday. It was at a snow canyon football game in the seventh grade. I was wearing a mini skirt and an etnies sweatshirt and I think you were wearing yellow. You and some of your friends were playing football on the grass and I was with my cousin and we thought you and Brody were so cute! So we started to talk to you and exchanged numbers... even though you had a girlfriend at the time. I remember the first thing you ever said was "you can text me but I have a girlfriend and she's like, really hot." and I didn't mind because instantly, you and I were automatic homies.

So that was seventh grade. I can remember talking a little bit here and there off and on until ninth grade when you started to talk to Baylee. Baylee and I were over at Hailey's on a night in December and we decided we were bored, so I said "Let's call Brooks and have him meet us!" so we did, and you walked half way to Hailey's so we wouldn't get lost trying to find your house. You met two crazy probably annoying girls in the middle of December in the middle of the night and even though it was FREEZING outside, you walked anyways without even complaining. Because that's the kind of boy you were Brooks. You were the definition of selfless and would do anything for anybody. That night we hung out at your house and watched motocross videos (surprise there) and talked and laughed. I remember feeling so privilidged to be hanging out with you, Brooks Johnson, the hottest guy around. I was so happy and felt so cool. That night Chance gave us a ride home because we were all like fourteen and didn't have licenses, so Chance took us home and I remember "Airplanes" by B.O.B and Hayley Williams came on the radio and you kept talking about how sick it was and how much you loved it. I remember Chance driving us home and how he ran a red light and I laughed so hard I thought I was going to pee my pants. Who would have known that that night I would embark on the most amazing and wonderful friendship of my life.

Well Brooks, it's been five years since then. Five years of the most precious friendship I was so blessed to have. Do you remember when we went to desert by Little Valley and lit off fireworks? Or when we went to Baylee's cabin and you guys didn't tell us about the pizza and mountain dew in the cooler, and watched as we attempted to cook mystery meat tacos for dinner? Do you remember Junior Prom when our day date turned in to a complete disaster from Hell? Do you remember when we sat in Baylee's basement and watched Friends With Benefits and you were so stoked on life because you finally got the kiss you had been waiting on forever? Do you remember when my parents got married and you came to my house before anyone else and we all sat in the basement wrestling and talking and just having so much fun even though we weren't doing anything at all? Do you remember when we played that shocker game in your basement, or when we went out to the indian reservation or the haunted hotel or all the times we went off roading or just all the talks and laughs and good times that we have shared all through out the many years of being best friends? Wherever you are right now, I hope you do remember these things.

It's been a tough day, Brooks. I never thought I would ever have to endure this kind of pain. It's the heaviest and most painful thing my heart has ever felt. Will it ever stop? Will I ever get back to normal ever again? I don't know, I really don't know.

Yesterday I saw you for the last time I will ever see you again in this life. You were at work, and the first time I saw you yesterday was by the tunnel. I remember thinking oh yay Brooks is here! I can't wait to talk to him. We were pretty busy yesterday so I didn't get a real chance to get to talk to you but I just brushed it off, figuring we would get off at the same time and I would be able to say whats up and see how you were doing. About an hour had past and I went inside from the gas pumps to get a drink, and you were inside talking to someone in splash. I smiled at you and you smiled back and I just kept walking. You seemed busy so I didn't want to bug you, so I just walked right past you and didn't say anything. Even later that day I thought it was a weird thing for me to do... Why would I do that? Why wouldn't I say hi to Brooks? Hmm, that's weird. Oh well, I will talk to him later I thought. Then you got off before I did and I watched you drive away and I thought to myself, geez that kid is cute. I followed your car with my eyes until you turned around the mountain and I couldn't see you anymore. Figuring, I will just see him later.

Then I woke up this morning and my world was changed forever. I realized I wouldn't get the second chance to say hello, to hug you, to touch you, to talk to you, to hear your laugh or see your beautiful, amazing smile. You were gone just like that.

There are SO many questions going through my head at this point. Why you? Why did YOU have to be the one to die? It doesn't make any sense to me and I know it never will. I know I will never be able to make sense of this or feel any comfort with your absence. You are just gone and I will never be given to take the opportunity of being around your incredible presence ever again in this life.

There are so many things I want to say to you. I want you to know that I love you. I have loved you and everything about you since day one. You are the most amazing, loving, goofy, hilarious, real, fun to be around and just all around solid man I have ever met. I am not just saying that because you are gone either, I have always thought this things and I always will think these things of you. You lived a life of pure adventure. Always doing crazy things and always having fun and being YOU. You never failed to amaze me with how true to yourself you always were. You knew the kind of person you were and you didn't change for anyone. I looked up to you Brooks. I still do.

When I say that I was blessed to know you, I mean it with every fiber of my being. We knew each other so well and these last couple months we've never been closer. You have helped me through so many bumps in the road and you know that. I appreciate you and everything you did so much... how was I ever going to repay you? Now I don't even have the chance to repay you. You never failed to make me smile. You never failed to make my day or to make me feel like I was cared about and important to you. I know that you love me just as much as I love you and that is the only bit of comfort I'm getting today. I know you loved your GWAF girls and I know you would have done anything for us. And anyone else for that matter.
Even when you hated someone, Brooks, you never said anything bad about them. You were the most understanding, caring, loving and most perfect guy I will ever know.
Thank you for being my best friend. Thank you for always listening to me and for always making me feel like I had someone to care about me. I remember just last week I called you crying and you just listened to me bawl for a good ten minutes when you finally said, "BraKell if you keep crying, I'm gonna cry so I'm gonna need you to cheer up!" and I think that was your way of telling me that when I was going to lose you, I shouldn't cry because that's not what you want. I am going to try so hard to be strong for you. Even though I have no idea how I am going to make it through this without you, I know that you will always be looking out for me in heaven like you did here on earth. I love you so much Brooks. You left behind of legacy of greatness and I will never be the same here without you.

Love, Bshawty.

Ten things to remember when you don't feel good enough.

“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.” 

― C.G. Jung

Even the most attractive, happiest,and most confident of people get that feeling sometimes. The gut wrenching feeling in the pit of your stomach when you look in the mirror. the anxiety when stepping on the scale.  the butterflies when taking a drastic risk. the voices in your head that tell you that you are undeserving, that you are worthless, that you aren't good enough. 

well listen up people! because today i'm giving you ten things to remember when you get one of those feelings. and if you take each step in and try and to apply them to yourselves, maybe, just maybe! they'll start to work. 

1. There is nothing wrong with  you. You may feel like sometimes the good outweighs the bad, but trust me, that is so far from the truth. You are so one of a kind and without you, the world really wouldn't be the same! Everybody doubts themselves and everybody has those days where they feel lousy about everything in every aspect of their life. Just because you experience those days, doesn't  mean there is something wrong with you. You are going to have bad days, actually, you're going to have A LOT of bad days. But with some bad, there is always some good! And you shouldn't blame yourself for the things you cannot change. You shouldn't blame yourself if someone doesn't see the good in you because that's their problem. Tons and tons of people think you're really great, you'd be surprised. 

2. You aren't perfect, you're human. You will make some mistakes. You might make some HUGE mistakes. But you know what?  I encourage mistakes because in the end, they turn into lessons. And some of those mistakes might turn out to be beautiful ones. I know the feeling when you try and try and try to be as perfect as possible, but give it up sista, because it's pointless! NO ONE is perfect. No one is even close. We are all terribly flawed in some sort of way, some people are just really good at faking it. So just because you may not be the brightest rose in the garden, doesn't mean you aren't beautiful in your own way. You may not be perfect, but you ARE worth it. 

3. Comparing yourselves to others is pointless. You are probably never going to be Selena Gomez or Ariana Grande. You'll probably never sing like Beyonce or have hair like Taylor Swift. You may never look like the girls in the magazines and even though that kills you, you have to accept it. There can only be ONE of everybody, which means there can only be one of you! Comparing yourself to someone  you will never be makes you fail to recognize the fact that some people want to be like YOU! And it's so true! Appreciate who you are because some of us would kill to be just like you. You would be surprised how many people are looking you like dang, I wish I could be her. I wish I could have a life like hers. So don't take advantage of what some people would do anything to just walk in your shoes for a day. 

4. The voice in your head is wrong. We are own our worst enemy and that's the dang truth. But it is time to change the voice in your head because the voice that is there now is spitting out lies, lies that you're letting yourself believe. Don't wake up telling yourself that it's going to be a bad day. Don't let yourself think that you look hideous when you look in the mirror. Don't freak yourself out while taking a big test, calling yourself stupid and doubting your intelligence. Trust me! The only thing it does is make things worse! Although it's quite easy to convince ourselves that the voices are true, they aren't!

5. Let go of everything that's weighing you down. How do you expect to fly with all that extra baggage keeping you on the ground? Negativity and past hardships should stay in the past. Better yet, they should better you! They shouldn't control your life.  Learn from them, let them change you in a positive way, and LET THEM GO. Do not make them a part of you that's going to prevent you from being happy. It is time to let them all go and to once and for all, be free. 

6. You have made it this far, and if that's not an accomplishment I don't know what is. Just think of all the times you wanted to give up, of all the times you were so done with the continuous curve balls life seemed to be throwing at you. Think of all those times you didn't want to get out bed in the morning, but did anyway. That's beautiful. You're fighting, and you still are, and you are doing just fine.

7. You are in control of your own happiness. It's never to late to change who you want to be. If you don't like something in your life, get rid of it. Pretty simple. 

8. Everybody feels this way sometimes. You are never alone and don't forget it. 

9. Time heals all wounds. Absolutely everything is temporary. So that feeling you're feeling right now?  It will get better. You'll see. 

10. You are worth it all. You are worth the fight, you are worth the time, you are worth the breath and you are worth this life. You are here for a reason and you are good enough. Even if you feel like you aren't good enough to others, it's time to say screw them and work on being good enough for yourself. One day, you'll see what others see and you will be happy. You are worth it all, never forget that.

we all have those days where all we wanna do is cry and feel bad for ourselves, and on those days, come read this post. You are good enough and one day you will realize it. until then, shine bright reader. xoxo, b. 

Resolution for life.

WOOOOOAHHHH it's 2014! and let me tell you, i can hardly believe that 2013 is already behind us. where did that year go?! it seriously flew by and i can't believe this is the year I will be FREAKIN' GRADUATING. (holla to all you other class of 14 homies)

so, the beginning of the year is the time where everyone starts setting all these cheesy resolutions, like going to the gym, learning to play an instrument, doing better in school and doing better in LIFE in general. and well.... here I am to tell you that new year resolution's are stupid. so instead of having a resolution for the year, lets make a resolution for your LIFE instead.

Okay so yes, it is a new year, but it's not a new life. Everything that you attempt to leave behind yesterday will somehow haunt you tomorrow. So don't rely on a "clean slate" for things to get better. Nope, you need to stand up and MAKE things better. and here are some tips on how to do so.

So, you're holding on to something/someone that continues to bring you down and make you feel lousy and small. Even though you know you should slam the door right on their conniving faces, you continue to welcome them in with open arms. But LISTEN THE FREAK UP, no. You need to take charge and you need to realize that you don't deserve or need anything that doesn't make you feel like it's summer every damn day. You don't need anything that doesn't make you smile until it hurts and laugh until you cry. You don't need someone who plays games with your mind and your heart, and who is reckless and cruel when it comes to your feelings. Guess what, guys? It's time to slam that door, hard. Just slam it goodbye so eventually you can open a new one to something fresh and better that'll make you realize just how awesome you really are. So if you are hanging on to someone or something that really sucks, let it go (or do your best) and SMILE. Smile because you deserve to and maybe, just maybe, that smile will catch the attention of something even better.

Okay so next scenario: You don't feel pretty, you compare yourself to everyone else and you don't think you're good enough.
Geez this one is hard because everyone has those days. Me, especially. It is flippin hard to not compare yourself to others or to not feel down in the dumps sometimes. Self-love is a looooong journey that is hard to get right, but I promise you the first step to get there is to take that journey. So after you read this post, if you have second guessed yourself so much as once today, go to the bathroom and look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself (OUT LOUD) at least three things you genuinely love about yourself. For example: I love my green eyes, I love my height and I love my ability to laugh about any situation good or bad. BOOM it's that easy. Now you try. This is a challenge I want all of you to take so, for me, give it a try! Even though feeling beautiful is the single most difficult thing ever, I promise you one way or another at least ONE person looked at you and thought, "wow they are truly lovely and wonderful."


Does the world never spin your way? Are things falling apart more often then they fall together? Do you best efforts never seem to be enough? Well listen up, because this one is for you. Life has a way of throwing things right in our face when we least expect it. One day will be full of sunshine, while the next all we see is rain clouds. Life truly does change like the wind and it's not fair! The WORST feeling ever is when things seem to start looking up for you, and then EVERYTHING falls a part right in front of you. That really is the worst and trust me! I've been there. But my dad always tells me that we make our own luck. Which is kind of difficult to believe because I honestly think I am cursed with the most terrible luck in the world even though I try and turn it around...
But what I think he means is, we get what we give. If we treat the universe like our best friend, the universe will give back! So the next time life gives you lemons, MAKE LEMONAID. Don't give up and don't get discouraged. Try, Try, try again. :) Cheesy, I know. But it's the truth!


Basically: A new year isn't going to change much. It is the start of something new, (TOTAL HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL REFERENCE NOT EVEN SORRY WHAT UP) and it is a time where we all try and want to start over on a clean slate; and although we can't run from the demons we left in 2013, we can prevent new ones from coming alive this year! So cheer up. Put a smile on your face. Delete the negative and EMBRACE the positive. Let's befriend life and try and make this year our beeeeyotch.



Hope you all had a great holiday season and I am going to try so hard to get back into the groove of blogging!

xoxoxox,

b

Unbreakable.

This world is full of people trying to bring us down. There will always be those people who can spot out your flaws from a mile away. Not everyone is going to see you the way they should, and everyone has a different view as what they see as beautiful. 

Sometimes people try and convince us that we are nothing. "You're ugly." "You're fat." "No one will ever like you." "You're so stupid." "Everyone hates you.", they will try and tell us. They will say these things and then, we will believe them. Some of us are so convinced that we are nothing but a giant flaw in the eyes of others, that their minds will be doomed to think this way forever. I for one, have struggled with this my entire life. I'll be the first to admit that I am far from perfect. People have drilled these thoughts in my mind and sometimes it's so hard and it's too much and all I feel like doing is crashing and burning, breaking into thousands of pieces and saying, "You've won." 

Yesterday was one of those days. I felt broken, I felt defeated, and I felt like a whole lot of nothing. I even found myself nodding my head and thinking to myself, maybe they are right. Maybe I am good for nothing. Maybe I am all of those terrible things. And I know some of you girls feel this way to. I know that some of you look in the mirror and are heartbroken at what is looking back at you. Maybe you aren't a size zero or maybe you have insecurities of not thinking you are pretty or smart or wonderful. Maybe you don't see yourself the way others see you, and maybe you've given up too.

Yes, yesterday was one of those days for me. I gave up, I was done and I was broken. I felt like I had finally reached my breaking point and all of this self-doubt that has been building up all of these years would get the best of me once again. I finally decided that the world had won and I was over trying to be good enough for a society who will see me exactly the way I have always seen myself. 

....But then, I decided screw that.

I decided that this is MY life. And I'm not going to break that easily. I'm not going to let this world tell me what I am and what I'm not. I'm not going to break and I'm not going to let them win. I am unbreakable and so are you.

You may not be a supermodel. You may not be a genius. You may be lonely, and you may be sad. But you. are. important.

There is a light inside of us all. Including you. The girl who is reading this with tears in her eyes shaking her head and doubting everything I'm saying and herself. There is a light in you. There is a reason why you have not given up yet. There is something in your heart  that has so much purpose, so much potential, so much beauty, that you don't even realize is there. Trust me, I may not be all the way there and I may be unable to tell you that I believe it sometimes either, but it's so true. Every single person on this earth is so precious and so wonderful. Everyone. There is something absolutely incredible about everyone and WHO THE HELL CARES IF SOMEONE CANNOT SEE IT. WHO CARES. BECAUSE I SEE IT. AND I CAN PROMISE YOU THAT THERE ARE OTHERS WHO SEE IT TOO. Even though the person in the mirror and the voice inside your head is disagreeing with me, I need you to promise me that you will try. I need you to promise me that you will be become unbreakable. Because if you were to break, if you were to give up on that beautiful and precious heart of yours, your light will go out. And the world cannot afford to lose your light. Your light is radiant and beaming and you are beautiful. Maybe you aren't as beautiful in something as temporary as looks, but you are beautiful deep down to your soul. And that is what truly matters. 

Don't convince others to love you. You don't even have the time to convince others if you are yet to convince yourself. The only thing that matters in the end is you. The way you feel about yourself will cancel out what others think. If you are sure of who you are and what you are made of, every rude remark, every insult, every belittling comment will bounce right off. Do not break. Do not allow yourself to be anything less then unbreakable because once you become unbreakable, you will be invincible. 

You are beautiful. You matter. You are wonderful and you are important and you are unbreakable. Don't allow the world to beat the magic out of you. They were all wrong. 

Our time is now.

Hello readers, It's Bshawty who sucks at blogging because it's been for freaking ever. I apologize. (Does anyone even care? Probs not but anyways...) My senior year has just begun and I am LOVING every second of it. I really really really do not want this year to ever end. Last night was my last homecoming and it was about as bitter sweet as it gets. I went with my good friend Jacob and he was such a good time. I loved every second of it! My high school is also doing incredible in football this year and I am actually enjoying being apart of the thunder family so, so much. I truly am living up every second of this year and not taking a single moment for granted because I know how fast it's going to fly by. With that being said, My goal for this year is to take chances. Because YOLO is as true as true gets and we only get one shot at high school.

Risks. They come around sometimes and we get a choice whether to take them or to watch them go by. And you wanna know what I have to say to that? Take them. Take them and love it because 99.9% of the time they are worth taking. Unless it's like, super dangerous... and life threatening.. then maybe you can pass it up.. .

But let me tell you something, risk taking can be a beautiful, beautiful thing. You never know what could happen and it could potentially be a wonderful life changing experience. Being a senior, I can sure say that I regret not always being involved in my high school. Sometimes you get the, "I'm too cool" attitude and you miss out. But missing out is something you WILL regret. You will never regret going to a football game and having an awesome seat in the student section, watching your team get a big win. You will never regret asking a cute girl to homecoming and going crazy hard at the dance with all your friends. You will never regret spending time with your class, bonding and making memories before it's time to say goodbye. These are the things that make life worth it. Right now is the youngest we will ever be and it's time to EMBRACE IT. EMBRACE BEING SEVENTEEN. EMBRACE BEING YOUNG AND EMBRACE TAKING CHANCES BECAUSE THEY. ARE. WORTH. IT.

You only get one shot at this, you guys. High school is a numbered amount of days. There will only be so many football games. So many bonfires. So many school dances and so many memories until it's time to pack 'em all up and head off to a life that is unlike the one we're living now. So don't be too cool. Don't miss out on the things that you were meant to experience. High school years truly are the best years and you really should look into embracing them and enjoying them because if you don't, that'll be one thing you will live to regret.

SO. If you want to kiss a cute boy, you tell that boy and you go and you kiss him. If you want to ask your crush to a dance but can't find the courage, you swallow that fear and you ask them. (PS, I was going to ask my crush of FIVE years to sadies last year and I chickened out... and you have no idea how much I regret it. PSS, but I did ask Jordan and he was tons of fun so don't get me wrong Jerb if you're reading this I love you) If you want to talk to someone and make friends with them, follow them on twitter and ask them to go to lunch! Talk to people you don't know. Smile at people who look down in the hallway. If you aren't happy with something, be brave enough to make that change. Live a life that you are proud of and do the things that you want to do. Now is the time to do them. NOW is the time, and this is the sign you were looking for. Just do it and I PROMISE you will not regret it.

I don't care what anyone says, High school is a blast. The thought of leaving is scary and I am unprepared... but you know what, I am going to enjoy this year and make as many memories with as many people as I can because my days are limited and I don't want to leave this place with any regrets. So let's start a revolution: Take the risk and get involved and realize that we are young and the world is ours, and our time is now.


Happy fall everyone!
xoxo,
B.

The auTHORity.

                                              
                                                 Powederpuff game 2013, seniors.

Homecoming game.

Homecoming day date.

Homecoming. ♥

live it and learn it you guys.

 

I thought you should know.

So. Most of you know me by now as Bshawty. Most of you know me as a very loud girl, who drives a yellow car, hangs out with GWAF and writes on a blog. But lately, I feel like we need to do some catching up and for those of you who are new readers on this blog, maybe it's time for you to get to know and better yet, understand what kind of person I am.

So my names BraKell. I'm seventeen and I'll be a senior this year. Craaaazyyy right? Yeah it's pretty mind blowing that the time has come to conclude the high school chapter of my life. But that's growing up for you. I have five best friends who most of you know as GWAF. For the record, GWAF means Girls Who Are Friends. A lot of you may think of GWAF as stupid, or annoying, or simply just a mean name. But let me tell you, my best friends are amazing. They are some of the most genuine, caring, loving and most incredible girls I have ever known. I just want people to actually get to know the Girls who are friends before you judge or make assumptions because I promise you, you'd be surprised.

I started to blog 11 months ago out of boredom. I have always loved to write and spend most my time doing so, and I have always been "good" I guess you could say at giving advice. I am an extremely caring person, I mean, I care A LOT about what other people think. I am always trying way to hard to get people to like me, which explains why I sometimes come off as obnoxious because I'm constantly scared of people not thinking I'm funny enough or cute enough or cool enough. It really is a big problem. A lot of the times when I'm hanging out with people I feel the need to impress, I turn into a whole different person. I become very loud and I try to be as fun as possible which tends to make me act like a spazz. I have never been a very confident person, I am so aware of every flaw I have and they literally eat me alive everyday. It's not a good thing and it's something I need to work on because no one can really make me feel as crappy as I make myself feel, which is a big problem! Lately I have focused on bettering myself and my self esteem and it's been doing a lot better which I am very proud to say! But anyway, I always let my insecurities get the best of me. I have always been known as being that super crazy and fun girl, but there is SO much more to me than that. I wanted to prove to people the kind of person I really was, so that's where my blog came in. I basically forced myself to be as honest and vulnerable as possible simply because I knew this would be the biggest way of proving to others I'm not the loud, annoying, naïve BraKell I have lead you on to believe that I am. I am more then funny remarks and doing all the crazy things I do. I am more than that and I wanted people to know that I actually give a crap. I actually care about people and how they feel towards life and situations that I myself have gone through. So that's why I made this blog. So the people who don't understand me could have a chance. So the people who think I'm one way can be proved wrong. To mend the bridges I have burned and to apologize to those who I have offended or hurt in any way. I am not perfect, I am flawed in every way there is to be flawed and I will be the first to admit that I have screwed up a lot in my seventeen years but I'm learning. I'm learning and I am trying SO freaking hard to gain respect from the people around me. That's all I have ever wanted- is to be respected and well liked. So if I have ever hurt you or acted a certain way towards you, know that I am trying. And know that I am growing up more and more everyday and that I honestly could not be more sorry. I don't want to be the girl that I have been in the past. I want you all to know that I'm not just Bshawty, the loud girl who seems to be the life of the party. But I'm also a girl who desires acceptance from absolutely everyone, including herself.

Life is messy, readers. I cannot say that enough. Sometimes life doesn't just give us one lemon, sometimes life gives the entire tree and we are forced to you know.. make lemonade. We all go through our own kind of personal hell and we all come out of it in a different way, but I hope you all know that it is so okay to feel hurt by the past. But just know that there is always a tomorrow and your future is entirely in your hands. Life will work out the way it's supposed to, and sometimes it takes letting whatever it is find you instead of always looking for a way out. You can't let a single person dampen the spirit that is inside of you. We each have a light, and instead of letting life fade it, let it shine the brightest and don't let life make you a victim of it's change. If someone says something negative about you, don't let it effect you because they don't know you and someone who doesn't take the time to get to know you before making an assumption is not worth the stress or the self destruct. I can promise you that realizing this will change your life.

I really don't have as much figured out as it may seem, but I promise you that I will always try to understand before I ever judge. I believe that there is good in every single person on this earth and I will always try and see that. I will admit that sometimes I'm stubborn and I let my hurt feelings get the best of me, but I know there is a reason for every single thing that someone does. Going through the things I have gone through as taught me so much about pain and the things it causes people to do and how it effects the way they think and act sometimes and all I can really say is, I hope when you finally learn to let go, you let it better you rather then allowing it to constantly hold you back. Life is not about holding yourself back, it's about experience and moments and everything in between. Don't give up on finding your own personal purpose and when you find it, I hope its everything and anything you imagined it to be.


That's all for tonight readers. Xoxox,

Bshawty,
or simply, BraKell.

Good Luck & Goodbye.

Well. Here we are. The end of this school year has finally arrived. And all I can say, is WOW. This year went by in a blink. I'm still pretty shocked that it's finally summer and that Junior year of high school is over. It seems like just yesterday it was second quarter and I posted my "Growing Up" post on this blog, and I was so stressed and sad about the thought of the seniors leaving and it was only second quarter! How ridiculous was I? 
And now, it's actually here. Tomorrow is the day that we say goodbye to the people we have known forever. They will walk across the stage, get their diploma, and head off on missions or to college or whatever else life has in store for them. And we probably won't even see each other again. Welp, see ya. 

I am so excited for summer. I really am. But the thought of the people I have known, been friends with, liked, dated, kissed, loved and just known for pretty much forever is leaving and moving on to a new chapter in their lives hurts. It's hard to say goodbye to the memories and the moments and everything you've ever known. I don't want to say goodbye. I don't want to watch the kids I've known my whole life grow up and leave and peace the freak out. It's hard, and it's scary, and it's just making me realize that soon enough it's going to be my turn and that I am far from ready to grow up. 

High school, man. High school is... how to even describe it. 


High school is full of mistakes. It's full of screwing up but saying, "screw it." It's full of sleepless nights and sleeping in 'til noon. It's full of falling inlove and getting our hearts broken. Its full of kissing for fun and sneaking out. It's full of taking risks and being careless. It's full of laughing with our best friends and crying over pity stuff we'll end up laughing about later. It's full of learning and discovering new things. It's full of experience and becoming independent. Finding out who are true friends are and who never was. It's about being there for eachother because believe it or not, we're all going through the same things and non of us are alone, and we're all in this together. (High school musical knows waaaassssssup.)


We are all a bunch of kids... but we really aren't. We can try to cling to our adolescents and all the glory it brings us as much as we'd like.. but eventually we're going to wake up one day and we're going to be adults. We won't be kids anymore. We can't be seventeen forever and it sucks and it's hard to accept. As much as we say, "Oh gosh, I can't wait to graduate! Screw High School! I can't wait to get out of this town and be on my own." None of us really mean it. That stuff is going to fun and such an adventure, but the thought that everything we've ever known is coming to an end... nothing is fun about that. It sucks. I have one more football season. One more homecoming. One more year to have fun and live it up before I have to say goodbye to it all. Whether we want to admit it or not, St. George is one of the greatest places on earth. We're all crazy. We meet at swig everyday and talk about whatever there is to talk about and go to walmart to play "You Won't" and make up acronym groups to call ourselves and we hate eachother and want to slap eachother 80% of the time... but in the end, I wouldn't have wanted to grow up anywhere else with anyone else but the kids of good ol' St. G. I'm going to miss the class of 2013 so much, and I am so thankful I got to grow up with them. There are some of you that the thought of you leaving breaks my heart, but I know that's life and at 4:30 tomorrow it's going to be time to say goodbye.

Like I've said before, everything we have now is limited. We only have so many football games and so many bonfires or prom's or simple sunday drives with our friends. One day we have to let it all go and leave it as a memory. It's so crazy to think that the weekends we live for the and the people we love more than anything will one day be all just a memory, and eventually we'll have our own kids going to football games and getting their heartbroken and going through the crazy journey that is high school. But I guess that's life and we can't be seventeen forever. We HAVE to make the best of these days because they truly are the greatest years of our lives and we're going to miss them. We don't get a second chance and we have to YOLO it up and live our lives to the fullest and take all the chances that we can and do everything and anything we want to because now is the time to do it. This is our time to be stupid and reckless and crazy. We can't take a single day for granted because when we do, we're going to blink and it's going to be all over.

These days are going by so fast, and this growing up thing isn't easy. But it's time. So here's to letting go of what we're used to and welcoming something that we're not. I am so happy for you, graduates of 2013. Thank you so much for the many memories that we have made over the years. And whereever life takes you, I hope you'll never forget about high school and all the crazy kids of st george utah. I hope you never forget what each mistake taught you. I hope you go far and I hope you have a life you've dreamed of. I hope you forgive yourself for growing up and I hope that life treats you well. You deserve it. 

Good luck, and goodbye. 

xoxo.
Bshawty.